Wednesday, February 3, 2010

When does taking care of me turn into Selfishness?

Here has been a question weighing heavily on my mind as of late. Am I selfish? At what point does taking care of myself and my needs become selfish acts? I guess this was brought to mind because I was watching Teen Mom on Saturday, and it being a show about Teenagers, there are a lot of selfish acts going on. This caused me to turn inward and monitor my own life and my own actions. And ask that hard question: Am I selfish?
ACT: I’m choosing to continue to do theater, act and direct, even though I have a baby now.
SELFISH?: I love doing it even though it takes me away from Elianna.
TRUTH: I still see her for at least 1-2 hours every day. There are the rare days that I don’t see her at all. But that is very rare. I feel bad, like I’m missing out on her life, and that she is missing spending time with her mom, but I feel like I need to be involved with theater or else I might explode. It keeps me happy and sane. So is it really that bad?
ACT: Expecting dinner when I get home from work and to come home to a clean apt.
SELFISH?: Is it selfish to think that I shouldn’t have to work 8-9 hours and come home to cook and clean
TRUTH: My husband is home all day! He’s out of job currently so is it really too much to ask that he spend his free time cleaning and cooking? He gets to spend every day with Elianna, I only get a few hours (even if I wasn’t in a show) why should I work 8 hours a day and come home and cook and clean and spend zero time with Elianna? But then again, is it fair that every thing falls on the hubby?
ACT: Sleeping in on Sundays.
SELFISH?: I only get 1 day where I can sleep past 7am. It’s Sundays.
TRUTH: I usually let the hubby get up with the baby. In my defense, the second she makes a peep in the morning he is out of bed and in her room, and I’m usually like “who, what, was there a noise?”
I guess those are the main things I do that I think of as selfish acts. I just want to do what is best for me, my baby, and my husband. Sometimes it feels like a never ending battle. I even feel selfish when I go to work and Elianna cries. I suppose I could be doing worse things that would put my family’s health, stability and happiness at risk, so I guess I’m not so bad after all. Because after all at the end of the day all you have is family.


  1. I have stressed over this a lot too. Here's an interesting perspective: You can't take care of others until/unless you are taking care of yourself. Think of it as putting the oxygen mask on your own face first before tending to the children.

    As far as your husband: Yes, he should be doing the work of a stay-at-home father. He IS a SAHD right now — I know he's unemployed and he's looking for another job, but in the meantime he should be the primary care giver and house-husband. You say "everything" shouldn't fall on him, but, TTG, why should it all fall on you?

    None of these things make you selfish, although wondering about them makes you human. And a good mother and wife, to boot.

  2. Red pen mama truer words have never been spoken. That is a great summary. Thanks! You are so right, why should it all fall on me!!!