Sunday, March 15, 2009

Rehabbing

I just watched the season finally of Dr. Drew’s Sober House, so I feel it’s a good time to address some of my feelings about addiction in a blog.

I’ve always wondered why I LOVED Celebrity Rehab and Sober House and the like so much. Why I feel like I’m in their shoes when I watch, and their therapy is like my therapy. I don’t have a drug or alcohol problem. (though nothing like 9 months of pregnancy to make me feel like an alcoholic). I don’t have this problem, so why do I somehow feel connected to these people instead of sorry for them because they have issues they can’t control?!

Then it occurred to me, I do have an addiction problem, a HUGE one. Except unlike these celebrities I can’t quit mine cold turkey (nom nom turkey). My addiction is food. It is amazing to me how similar my food addiction is to these folks’ drug addiction. Maybe the reasons aren’t the same for the initial behavior (I had plenty of love and support from my family, they rock, so no daddy issues), but the reasons for ‘abusing the substance’ sure is. When I’m having a bad day or something didn’t go just right or I am feeling like I just can’t cope, what do I do? I reach for some food. I am the same as them. Except they get to go to the Pasadena Recovery Center, and I go to Weight Watchers. They get to chance the give up their addiction 100%! I’m not saying they have it easy, but they can live without the cocaine, crack, beer, and opiates that has kept them going for years. But I can’t just stop eating. They have the luxury of giving up their vices to save their life, but if I gave up mine it would kill me. Who needs a rehab center now?

I do try to keep my addiction at bay. I try to eat healthy and right and follow my Weight Watcher plan, but I am only human. Like Seth (“Shifty”) on Sober House went on a drug bing before rehab, I went on a food binge the day before I rejoined Weight Watchers. Us fatties are no different then those druggies, so why isn’t there more help for us? Medical plans cover rehab for drugs and alcohol, but don’t do anything for weight loss. They might give me treatment if I had an eating disorder like Anorexia or Bulimia. (again can someone explain why not eating enough is a disorder, but not being able to stop eating isn’t?)And sure they might pay for your gym membership, but does that pry the gallon of ice cream out of your hand at 1 am when you have a complete meltdown because your baby is crying and you don’t know why?

If these shows have taught me anything it’s that you can’t treat a drug/alcohol problem without going to the root of why the person is using. Where are the programs that help me get to the root of why I use/eat. I will say Weight Watchers has done wonders for me. It’s made me start to think about all of these issues, but unlike rehab I don’t get any one on one focus time to work through my personal issues, and I don’t get the accomplishment of knowing I’ve been sober for 30 days. I only have the scale, and even if it goes down I still know that one day at any moment it could go up again. I have to live everyday knowing that I have this addiction, but at the same time will never be truly capable of kicking it.
I only hope that I will learn to maintain a healthy weight and that what I have learned will help my daughter, so she doesn’t struggle with the same problems with food as I have.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

The Name Game

I love the name we gave our daughter. I think Elianna Irene is very pretty, but I’m having a bit of namers remorse. Everyone just assumes that she is named after my husband, Elliot, but that is not the case. He actually cringes at the thought of naming our kids after him. There won’t be any Elliot Jr’s in our future. For some reason the fact that people always jump to that conclusion makes me angry. Here is the story of how Elianna got her name.

Since we decided not to find out the sex of our child until their birthday, this made picking out names twice as hard. We obviously had to pick out both a boy and a girl name. Surprisingly the boy’s names came so easily. And I really wasn’t focused on the girl’s names since I was convinced I was having a boy. I mean I would have bet money on it. So, with a month left to go, we had narrowed our boy’s name list down to 1 (we were so set) and our girl’s name list down to about 10.

Once I was admitted we knew we had to pick a girl’s name and fast just on the off chance we were having a girl. All I knew was if we had a girl I wanted some form of Ann in the name. I wanted to name her in honor of my mom (middle name Ann) and my grandmother (named Louanna). My grandmother already threatened my life if I named my daughter Louanna. That is when I decided Ann as part of the name would be perfect. I love the idea of family names and neither of our families had any. We were starting a new tradition. We had every prefix before Anna you can think of, Lillyanna, Rehanna, Ilianna, etc. and then we also tried Ann as a middle name, Isabella Ann, Madison Ann etc. I was actually leaning towards Isabella when sitting in the hospital looking at our list Elianna popped out at me. (we found it on a baby naming site in which we viewed every name under every letter…exhausting). It had fallen out of our discussions, but there it was in my face. I said it out loud and we both knew that was the girl’s name. The middle name came just as strangely. We had only a few middle name suggestions, Ann and Grace. Well Ann was out for obvious reasons. So I said Grace is fine with me. To which my husband starting laughing hysterically and as I looked at him puzzled like he told me to think of her initials…E.G.G
Ok, I can’t have my kid’s initials be egg. We were stuck. We hadn’t talk about any other names, still thought it was a boy so no biggie, right? Then Elliot looks at me and says “What about Irene after my grandmother?” PERFECT! My great-grandmother’s name was also Irene. I couldn’t think of more fitting name than Elianna Irene.

To set the record straight: she is named after the women of both our families and not her dad.